Driving to the Astrodome can be a wonderfull thing. As long as I ain’t driving. Have I ever said that I was a nice guy behind the wheel of a car? I never will. T never will. Talk about a convoluted way to park at that complex. It seemed to take forever to get to the parking area. On the way to the parking spot at the complex, we must have passed by about ten thousand people all ready in line. If I was smart, I should have quit drinking at midnight the night before and gone to bed. But no, I ain’t got a lick of sense when I start drinking. Well that ain’t really true. I don’t drive, anywhere. That way we could have got there about an hour earlier and maybe gotten Mick Foley’s autograph. But to quote Tom Petty “I’m stupid baby, I’ve been stupid since the day I was born”.

10:15 Saturday morning. When we got close to the doors I jumped out of line to get two T Shirts. An aPa shirt, the new one. A Stone Cold shirt, the new one. Been in line for about 40 minutes and we finally get in the damn doors. I pity the fools who got there about 10. They must have been a good couple thousand behind us. Big ass WWF logo’s were in the lobby with theme music blasting at near rock concert levels. T and I go looking around the joint. A lot of nice displays and the autograph lines were really deep. Mick Foley’s was the worst. Twice as many people standing in that line than the others. I told T that in no small way, I ain’t getting in that goddamned line. I turn around and T is nowhere to be seen. That can mean only one thing. He is looking for the nearest cop to complain about my driving habits. Or I have lost T and I am on my own here in this WWF AllAxxess.

And so begins my journey thru this wonderful place. But first I am still really hungover and need something to drink. I find a vendor who is selling cola. Nice and cold too. FOR THREE DOLLARS FOR A GODDAMNED 20OZ. COKE. Needless to say, I broke down and bought one. I notice people going outside near me, there is a rent a cop at the door. I ask if I can go outside and smoke. He says sure. I go smoke 2 cigs and finish that 3 dollar Coke. I go back in and start to wander around. I notice a T-Shirt vendor with the aPa’s first shirt. 28 dollars US soon part my hands. God bless capitalism. Even if it bites us in the ass from time to time.

Some of the funniest stuff I saw there was auto related. The Genius would have loved it. They had most of the WWF race cars there. Dragsters baby, if you have never been to a drag race. Go, enjoy it while you are young. Those cars looked damned nice. Then I saw the DX bus. Yes it was there. As were nearly every other vehicle that had been destroyed in the WWF. UT’s bike was there, thou it had only had been destroyed on Smackdown earlier that week. My favorite one on display was Vince’s Corvette. Yes, it did have cement in it. I laughed my ass off with a few other people who were laughing too. Just the image of that car and Vince’s reaction to what happened still makes me laugh.

There was quite a bit of stuff that was not WWF related. Bally’s Total Fitness had a stage setup with some of them Hawaiian Tropic ladies parading around in some really tight clothes. I will say no more to offend no one about how good that one blond looked. They even had that Stacker 2 bottle roaming around with two very hot ladies. I will neither deny nor confirm about the alleged drool trail that was supposed to be coming from me. No one has a picture of that. I swear it! Then there was the 1 800 CALL ATT chicks running around handing out keychains. Nice eye candy all around the joint. By then, my hangover had subsided and it was time to check out the ring.

They had a fullsized ring setup in there. I saw Scott Vick and somebody else grapple for a while. It could have been K Kwik. Kurt Angle had lunch with people in the ring. His wife is very hot. But then again, he is an olympic gold medalist. It was sort of funny to see Kurt in the ring having lunch. What was even funnier was when the Rock headed to ring. Those autograph lines emptied. That is when I got in line to get autographs. Got the Goodfathers and Bull Buchanan’s for the RealBigShow’s son. I even got a call while I was in line. It was from Pitbull. He was very nice on the phone and I thanked him again for letting me get Wrestlemania tickets from him. It was very noisy in the place. I told Pitbull that I could barely hear him. Then again, my cellphone sucks major arse. One ten minute call on that piece of crap, the battery is shot.

One thing I did notice about the WWF wrestlers is that they are very nice. When someone in a wheelchair got rolled up, the wrestlers would get up and go down and make that person’s day. It may just be good PR on their part. But it does help me have a little bit of faith in our species. I would never say I was a saint or a sinner all the time. I don’t think anyone could be. But then again, I am old and grumpy. Just ask anyone who has met me. After getting them danged autographs, I head towards the place where you can do the play by play. Lo and behold! I run into T. He looks as tired as I do. I must have walked around that place ten times. I was beat. T was beat. We headed back to the car. T stopped at the T Shirt booth outside to get another T Shirt. He was broke after that. I was beat and hungry. We get in the car and head back to my small apartment. It is cheap. Just like me. Except for my booze of choice, Crown Royal. If you would like to contribute to the Doom needs booze fund, AOLIM me. DoomInTx, is the handle.

I’m Doom and that’s all I got to say about that.