It was a Sunday. April the first to be exact. The RealBigShow showed up before 3pm. T and I were ready to go. I drove us to our fate with destiny. Have I ever mentioned that 99 percent of the other people on the road at any given moment that I am driving on should be taken out back and shot in the head? RealBigShow was his usual co-pilot self. Hmmm, how many times did RBS tell me that I suck at driving? I ain't sayin' and when T decided to stick his views in the mix, I reached for the blackjack. T moved it out of my reach. Lucky for him and RBS that my blackjack was out of my reach or it would have looked like a old chicago gangland war in my car.

Finally, after about 45 minutes and my blood pressure going up 45 points we got to park. Per the usual 5 dollar fee of course. Then we proceed to the Houston By Gawd Astrodome for Wrestlemania XVII! We mill about checking out the fine ladies and have a few smokes as T takes a couple of pictures for history's sake. After about 50 minutes of milling about we go and get in line and get in to the event. Bid T a farewell and get back to the car in one piece or else line. RBS and me head for the seats. Talk about decent seating under 75. Right above the floor and to the right of the Titan Tron. I owe Pitbull for that, bigtime. Now I would never say that the dome was crowded or anything, but for cryin' out loud, those lines for the consessions stands were friggin' outrageous. Heat was 20 minutes away and we went and had a couple of smokes.

Heat was on and we checked out what we could see behind the Titan Tron. Everytime someone would get introduced, we saw it first. RBS pointed out the fact to me that WM was gonna start in 20 minutes. Time for another smoke break. Head back to the seats and wait for WM to begin! The Fink comes out to give some pre WM anouncements. Then out comes J.R., someone might have thought that the worlds most popular man just appeared. Heyman comes out next, he is not as popular, trust me. BAH GAWD WRESTLEMANIA IS LIVE! What I remember is in no particular order.

Fact #1) If you are wrestler and you are from Texas. You don't have to do anything. You are over. Case in particular, Bradshaw. Just mention (whoo by gawd) the Oilers! LUV YA BLUE BABY! Being a member of the Thread aPa and from Texas, I can tell you that in no small way, did I scream any louder than during other matches. I lie like a dog too.

The hardcore match was pretty cool. Being able to see the ending of the match pretty close to us was beyond awesome. RBS said something to the effect of "Holy Shit". I was probably heard to mention a "Fuck" or too. Ok, we marked out like it was the 80's again. Seeing Kane put them thru part of the stage is something that I will never ever forget.

Next! Angle Vs. Benoit. Call me stupid, but I like to see some actual wrestling in a wrestling show. This was the quietest match of the evening. RBS and I were both pulling for the Chris "The Crippler" Benoit. But it was not be. A good match that will probably not get the recognition it deserves.

TLCII: Right before it started, RBS and I needed another smoke or two. On the way to the smoking area, we are right behind the Titan Tron. The Dudz pyro goes off. I was like "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!". I have been front row to a few rock concerts. Nothing prepared either RBS or me for that. We get to the smoke place and find that we can see a monitor and watch the action. RBS doesn't have to crane his neck or stand on his toes to see the monitor. (note to self, kill everyone over 6'6" when I become king)

"Houston, we have a problem"  If I hear anyone say that. Think of me and glock and you on the ground. SOMEBODY STOP ME!

UT Vs. HHH: That is alot of initials. The match was pretty decent. If UT did not go over in Houston, there would have been a riot. Trust me, I ain't joking.

Shane Vs. Vince. I don't care what anyone says. RBS hit the nail on the head. When Shane did that top rope stunt at the end of the match, Shane stepped into the light. No one will ever question something he asks them to do. A good leader leads by example. Seeing Chavo's reaction on the screens was all I needed to say "Bring us WCW". Linda's turn was kinda predictable, but a welcome thing (the lady behind me was gonna have an orgasm, I think).

Gimmick Battle Royale: Call me a nut, but "Mean Gene" got the loudest pop of that match. Kinda worthless. Vince threw a bone to Sgt. Slaughter.

Austin/Rock: What in the HELL did anyone expect? I felt sorry for the guy sitting in front of us who was a Rock fan (my DIE ROCK DIE, may have tipped him off). Austin had to get the belt. Everyone who watches this stuff and keeps up with it, understands it.

A few words to anyone who reads this. There was a real jerkoff near us who got incredibly drunk at this event. Being well over the age, I do have this to say. Why in the world would anyone want to get shitfaced at something that will probably never happen there again? I do like to drink. I would never admit otherwise, but having a chance to see history and be part of it. It makes no sense to spend untold money on a seat and get wasted. If I was a cop at that event, he would have been toast. A goodtime was had by all of us and I would do it all again. Yes, Chyna won the women's belt. That was the time we headed to get some food. Like we are gonna watch that squash. aPa Rules! Yes they did.

If anyone would like to give to the "Buy Doom some Crown" fund. IM at DoomInTx. I was there and you weren't, so who rules now, Suckas? BRING BACK STEVIE RAY!

I'm Doom and I am way older than you.