He was given the name in religion of Bischoff, although everybody called him Monkey Boy. At one point, he captured a Magic Checkbook that expanded to whatever size he needed to have to beat his enemies to a pulp, and he found many other monkeys who had low enough self-esteem to bow down to him.  With the support of the Turner, an immortal of Heaven, he built a kingdom on earth which was fearsome to all for a few years, then the butt of jokes thereafter.  He was probably not the wisest ruler since the dawn of time, but he was definitely interesting.

However, lately Monkey Boy was a burden on his keepers, and the rulers of the Kingdom.  When too many distractions took away from the primary business of the Kingdom, he was sent away for a time to serve penance, only to be called back when the higher-ups decided such a rascal was best kept "in the fold" so they could keep a tight grip on him.  He said he would, on the condition that they gave him the official title of the Great Sage of Wrestling, Equal to McMahon.  They figured this wouldn't hurt, compared to what they called him when he wasn't looking.  So he was given the title and invited to live on a plot of land the new rulers had set aside in the Kingdom of Heaven 5.0, which ran a bit smoother than 4.0 but still had a lot of places where people could sneak in and out undetected, and was still very, very ugly to the eyes.

Anyway, Monkey Boy was given much the same tasks that he had before, just without the Magic Checkbook.  He pulled in lots of distractions to deal with his declining fortunes, and talked to Kevin Nash and Jason Hervey a lot.

The lack of Nielsen numbers was most disturbing to the Jaded Emperor, who was called Case-something before his conversion to a megalomaniac.   More disturbingly, the Monkey Boy was not making the Kingdom money, which is a crime worse than murder.  So he put several of his generals to work to finish off this aberration once and for all.  They finally decided to kill the Monkey Boy's company credit card, at which point Monkey Boy raised an army of investors to defend it.  It seemed he could not be killed, no matter how hard they tried.

At this point, the Jaded Emperor sent messengers out to the Turner to ask for his expert assistance on dealing with this troublesome nuisance.  The Turner strode through the gates that very day to take a meeting with Monkey Boy.

He found Monkey Boy sunning himself on a balcony, the investors practicing tax shelter drills in the courtyard.  Others inside the Monkey Boy's building were training themselves to FedEx pink slips.  The Turner's mighty frame reached well into the sky, casting a long shadow over everything.

"Excuse me, tall boy," the monkey griped, "but you're blocking my sun."

The Turner was taken aback by this impudence.  "Don't you remember who I am?"

Monkey Boy looked at the Turner like a turd had just fallen into his drink.  "I don't need to know anybody's name anymore, pally. I'm a huge name around here.  I just nod and send in the lawyers."
 
The Turner shook his head bitterly at this thing he had once nurtured.  "Well, monkey boy, if you're all that you say you are, then jump off of my hand.  If you can do that, we'll sign the papers, you can take the throne no questions asked.  If you can't, you're off the mountain."

Monkey Boy laughed at this contemptiously.  "So he's going to turn this into a twisted game of 'Survivor', is he?" he thought.  Sure, the Turner had helped him signifigantly in the past, but Monkey Boy was a Great Sage Equal Even To Turner now--it said so right there on his business card.  So he took a running leap and hurled himself mightily in the air.  After staying in the air for a long time, he landed on a broad plain with tan ground.

"This must be the ends of the earth," Monkey Boy gloated.  "I guess I showed him."  He walked across this new place and saw four pink pillars at the far end.  "Well, I think I'll leave a message here for Mister Smarty-Farty Turner."  So he whipped out his pen and wrote at the base of one, "THIS IS WHERE BISCHOFF PROVED ONCE AND FOR ALL HE IS BEHOLDEN TO NOBODY."  Then, as a final gesture of contempt, he urinated at the base of another.  Pleased with himself, he made a mighty leap back.

"Well pally, I guess I showed you.  I leapt all the way to the end of the earth and back."

"You frickin' moron!" the Turner growled. "You never left my hand."  With his other hand, he gestured at the inscription at the base of his ring finger.  The Monkey Boy read it; it was the same words in his handwriting.  At the base of the index finger, he could smell the pungent aroma of monkey pee.

Now Monkey Boy was really confused.  "Somehow," he said to himself, "this punk has pulled the pillars out of the ends of the earth and brought them back here to the Kingdom.  But I have to be sure."  So he reared back for another mighty leap, but as soon as he was airborne, the Turner blew a quick breath and blew Monkey Boy through the gates.

As all of the Monkey Boy's followers were swept to the four corners H the Turner's mighty hands descended around Monkey Boy and sealed him away in what came to be known as the Mountain of Ineptitude.  Everybody in the Kingdom 5.0 cheered at this, although one noticed suddenly that Monkey Boy had found a gap to stick his head through.  The Turner sealed it with a "500 Free Hours" startup disk, upon which a voice rang up from the ground.  "YOU'VE GOT EXCOMMUNICATED!" it cheerfully proclaimed.  The deed was finally done.

The Jaded Emperor wiped his brow and turned to the Turner.  "Sweet Jesus," he said, "I thought you'd never get here."

"Well, ya gotta have finesse when you deal with these rasslin' guys.  So who's buying lunch?"

They told their assistants to switch off the lights in the WCW offices and grabbed a bite.

And if you want to know what happened then...

Well, let's just say you need to get out more than even I do.

(based on the classic folk novel Journey to the West, with apologies to the people of China...and certain clued-in Dragonball Z fans.)