(3zy's note: Another chat derails in
the service of COMEDY WITH A CAPITAL K. At first it was strictly
"sing along with Will Ferrell", but we never do our best work by the
script.)
| NPPYinzer: | I heard that the Padres signed Rod Beck. Anyone else hear that? |
| EasyEW: | Win a party with headliner....LEWIS BLACK |
| FireThunder: | Yes they did. |
| FireThunder: | DA SHOOTA |
| Y2JMark79: | I did |
| Y2JMark79: | But that's local |
| NPPYinzer: | I hope he takes his trailer to San Diego. |
| Ska: | I read the article about him living in a trailer just past the right-field fence in the Iowa ballpark |
| Y2JMark79: | I wonder if he's going to get music |
| Ska: | That sounds so awesome |
| Y2JMark79: | He can use "Hell Bent And Whiskey Bound" |
| FireThunder: | I wish I could have visited him and drank some beer with him before he packed his stuff and took off... :( |
| NPPYinzer: | The Boston radio guys were saying today that Beck was hosting about 25 fans at the hotel bar after Lowe's no-hitter a couple years ago. |
| Y2JMark79: | Beck should take the mound and a Bill Brasky clip should play |
| Ska: | haha yes |
| Ska: | "Bill Brasky -- he's a big sonofabitch, about 9-foot-6 --..." |
| WORLDWIDER: | *JOIN* Entered room. |
| FireThunder: | TO BILL BRASKY |
| WORLDWIDER: | ITS BIGGER THAN HIPHOP |
| Ska: | THIS GAME IS CALLED ON ACCOUNT OF SCOTCH |
| FireThunder: | HE'S MY FATHER |
| WORLDWIDER: | FUCK THESE FAKE RECORDS |
| Y2JMark79: | "So Brasky's got these half pit bull half thorobred animals, vicious and sleek. He raises them like his kids and puts his kids in a kennel. One day, he finds one of the dogs clamped into the maid's neck, blood shooting everywhere. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky shoots the maid." |
| NPPYinzer: | I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansbury |
| Ska: | TO BILL BRASKY |
| Y2JMark79: | BILL BRASKY |
| EasyEW: | BILL BRAAAAAAAASKY |
| Ska: | You know, it was the sight of Braskys naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane! |
| Ska: | He showers in grain alcohol!! |
| Ska: | He uses the Shroud of Terin as a golf towel!! |
| Ska: | He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident!! |
| Y2JMark79: | We're baptizing my son, and the doors of the church FLY off |
| Ska: | He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls!! |
| Y2JMark79: | Brasky comes stumbling in and says "I'll baptize that piece of calamari for ya," then pours his scotch right in my son's eyes! |
| Y2JMark79: | And he's BLIND to THIS DAY! |
| Ska: | He once ate the bible while water skiing!! |
| Ska: | God damn, that's good stuff |
| WORLDWIDER: | NP: R. Kelly and Jay-Z ft. Devin the dude "P.U.S.S.Y." |
| Y2JMark79: | I go to China on a research project |
| WORLDWIDER: | huh |
| Y2JMark79: | Find this restaurant, and one of the waiters is 7'9" |
| Y2JMark79: | Goes about 400 |
| Y2JMark79: | Come to find out his name is Cho Lin Brasky |
| Ska: | So, I'm in the back of a pickup with Bill Brasky and a live deer! Well, Brasky, he grabs the deer by the antlers, looks at it and says, "I'm Bill Brasky! Say it!" Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of its mouth - "Billbrasky!" It wasn't exactly it, but it was pretty good for a deer! |
| NPPYinzer: | Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over th... |
| NPPYinzer: | the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!' |
| EasyEW: | ha |
| Ska: | Bill Brasky once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw! |
| NPPYinzer: | His poop is used as currency in Argentina. |
| kingm0b: | *JOIN* Entered room. |
| kingm0b: | FUCK ALL BITCHES |
| Ska: | So Brasky yells, "I'm Bill Brasky and no one gets me wet!" So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, "How do you like it?!" And then damn if Brasky didn't step in there and finish the show! |
| EasyEW: | *TOPIC at 6/3/2003 11:38:06 PM* TO BILL BRASKY |
| FireThunder: | TO BILL BRASKY |
| Y2JMark79: | BILL BRAAAAAASHSJS |
| NPPYinzer: | He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi. |
| Ska: | Anyways, Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for eight months straight. When he woke up, he rubbed his eyes and said, "All in all, I prefer gin!" |
| Ska: | Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong! |
| Ska: | He breast-feeds John Madden! |
| Ska: | They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium! |
| Ska: | Anyway.. Braskey taught his son to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked, and died. Brasky said, "It would have happened sometime!" |
| NPPYinzer: | If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.' |
| Ska: | We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake.. before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.. |
| Y2JMark79: | So, Brasky and I stumble out of the bar one night |
| Y2JMark79: | Somehow he enters me in the Kentucky Derby |
| Ska: | Brasky went public with his own buttocks.. and made $7 million. |
| Y2JMark79: | I'm actually going neck and neck for half a mile because Brasky's cracking the whip |
| EasyEW: | Brasky opened a convenience store in his nutsack, and DAMMIT IF THE PROPERTY VALUE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD DIDN'T GO UP |
| Y2JMark79: | Suddenly, I break my leg and just as the trainers are about to put me to sleep, someone yells out god bless 'em "DON'T SHOOT HIM, HE'S HUMAN!" |
| NPPYinzer: | Bill Brasky has a toenail on the hend of his penis! |
| Ska: | need a refill |
| EasyEW: | Brasky never needs a refill... |
| EasyEW: | He pisses MD 20/20 |
| kingm0b: | *PART* Left room. |
| Ska: | TO BILL BRASKY |
| NPPYinzer: | BILL BRASKY |
| Ska: | Anyway.. Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits! He stomps and chews every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives.. except.. Fleagle! |
| EasyEW: | TA BLAH BROSSSSSKI |
| Ska: | Well, that was fun |
| Ska: | I must give credit to snltranscripts.jt.org |
| NPPYinzer: | I had never heard of Bill Brasky until tonight. |
| rubes3: | *JOIN* Entered room. |
| NPPYinzer: | I don't watch SNL |
| rubes3: | Hello All |
| EasyEW: | awwww, I wrote my own material |
| Y2JMark79: | Are you Bill Brasky? |
| EasyEW: | that's why there was so little of it. |
| NPPYinzer: | The nutsack line was a good one |
| Ska: | 3zy, yours was right on-track |
| NPPYinzer: | (and that's not a sentence that I thought I'd ever say) |
| Ska: | In fact, an actual transcripted line... |
| Ska: | Darryl Hawkins has a summer home in Brasky's groin! |
| rubes3: | Sorry to bother you all.. |
| rubes3: | *PART* Left room. |
| FireThunder: | FUCK OOF |
| Ska: | He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom! |
| Y2JMark79: | They say he bleeds peppermint vodka! |
| Ska: | Truly wonderful sketches |
| EasyEW: | oh yah |
| Ska: | Although I think this site is missing one |
| WORLDWIDER: | im so confused |
| Ska: | Because I could've sworn there's one where John Goodman talks about Brasky throwing his kid into a minivan door |
| Ska: | Tan... |
| Ska: | snltranscripts.jt.org |
| Ska: | Search for "Bill Brasky" |
| Y2JMark79: | He pisses farm fresh orange juice! |
| EasyEW: | Ska: I think I remember that one... |
| EasyEW: | NP: Hikaru Utada "Simple and Clean" (the song from the Kingdom Hearts ads) |
| KatCollu: | *JOIN* Entered room. |
| SvenDawg: | *PART* Left room. |
| SonnyChiba: | *JOIN* Entered room. |
| KatCollu: | *PART* Left room. |
| SonnyChiba: | 'Lo |
| Ska: | SO MUCH ACTIVITY |
| Ska: | AAAAAAAAAHHHH |
| SonnyChiba: | ? |
| Ska: | nothing |
| EasyEW: | How did this happen? |
| WORLDWIDER: | i hate women |
| EasyEW: | We were almost dead an hour ago |
| Y2JMark79: | I think a hole got ripped in the space-time continum |
| NPPYinzer: | Bill Brasky did it |
| SonnyChiba: | Caused by a sonic fart? |
| armorwil: | *JOIN* Entered room. |
| armorwil: | *PART* Left room. |
| Ska: | TO BILL BRASKY |
| Ska: | ACTION drinks |
| Y2JMark79: | Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack, a day for each chamber |
| Y2JMark79: | At his autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with ricotta cheese |
| SonnyChiba: | haha |
| EasyEW: | Is this the story where he sat up and asked for a spoon right after? |
| SonnyChiba: | I can't remember, what's he from? |
| Y2JMark79: | I dunno |
| Ska: | SNL |
| SonnyChiba: | ah yes |
| Y2JMark79: | The character of Johnny Appleseed is based on Brasky |
| EasyEW: | I'm just riffing at this point... |
| Y2JMark79: | Except for the apple tree planting and not raping men |
| NPPYinzer: | He once gave a hand job to a manta ray |
| SonnyChiba: | hahaha |
| Ska: | Ewwww |
| SonnyChiba: | I didn't know Manta Rays had dongs |
| Y2JMark79: | The movie Deliverance was based on Brasky's experiences as a kindergarten teacher |
| NPPYinzer: | Only the male ones do. |
| EasyEW: | One day...true story... |
| EasyEW: | Brasky burst into a Catholic mass, stuck his penis in the sacramental wine, and screamed at the top of his lungs "WHERE'S YOUR MESSIAH NOWWWWWWWWWWWWW?" |
| NPPYinzer: | And you know what else? The priest DRANK IT |
| Ska: | haha |
| EasyEW: | oh hell yeah |
| Ska: | TO BILL BRASKY |
| NPPYinzer: | BILL BRASKHGIYDHSGY |
| SonnyChiba: | haha |
| EasyEW: | TA BAH BRASSKADIKIE |
| Y2JMark79: | Wait wait wait |
| Y2JMark79: | Brasky was once on the show Let's Make A Deal |
| Ska: | One time Brasky had the son of a 9/11 fatality on his show, then tried to verbally tear him a new asshole with no regards to tact, logic, or sanity! |
| WORLDWIDER: | I FUCKING HATE WOMEN |
| WORLDWIDER: | There. |
| Ska: | Wait, that was Bill O'Reilly |
| Ska: | nevermind |
| Y2JMark79: | Long story short, he fucks up and gets the old washer and dryer set |
| EasyEW: | Thank you, Ska Franken |
| Y2JMark79: | Everyone starts laughing at him until he drops his pants, runs on stage, and has sex with BOTH appliances |
| Y2JMark79: | It was so touching it made Wink cry |
| EasyEW: | oh yeah, i found the MP3 of Franken and O'Reilly going around |
| NPPYinzer: | Bill Brasky once got his wife pregnant, and she gave birth to a sixteen-ounce steak. |
| NPPYinzer: | The afterbirth was sauteed mushrooms |
| SonnyChiba: | hahaha |
| Ska: | aww man, when did Lupin the III get back on at midnight? |
| Y2JMark79: | Jesus Christ asked Brasky for an autograph |
| EasyEW: | Obviously they finished Trigun |
| Y2JMark79: | And Brasky spits in his face and says GET A REAL JOB, HIPPIE |
| Ska: | Nah, Trigun's on at 1am |
| Ska: | Too damn late for me |
| EasyEW: | well there ya are |
| NPPYinzer: | All of Cream's album covers are Brasky's family photos |
| EasyEW: | they got rid of LEGEND |
| Ska: | Thank god |
| SonnyChiba: | np Soilwork "Rejection Role" |
| EasyEW: | so Trigun's right after INU YASHA |
| Y2JMark79: | Inu Yasha's a person, right? |
| EasyEW: | Inu Yasha's a half-demon, half-person |
| Y2JMark79: | Close enough |
| EasyEW: | in search of the 7-Souls Jewel to become a REAL...demon |
| WORLDWIDER: | ... |
| WORLDWIDER: | *PART* Left room. |
| FireThunder: | *PART* Left room. |
| Y2JMark79: | Nice job, Easy |
| EasyEW: | Well, I think I know what transcript is being posted on the board |
| EasyEW: | I said TWO SENTENCES |
| SonnyChiba: | hahaha |
| EasyEW: | and alladasudden they can't HANG |
| SonnyChiba: | good lord you should have seen last night's carange |
| SonnyChiba: | Butch was there |
| Y2JMark79: | LAST NIGHT~~~~~~~ |
| SonnyChiba: | he knows of what I speak |
| EasyEW: | and HEY, you were the one who asked...you get to wear this fine albatross necklace |
| Ska: | heh |
| NPPYinzer: | Dammit, I miss one night of chat |
| Y2JMark79: | Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went to Vegas? |
| EasyEW: | no, ya didn't |
| Y2JMark79: | Brasky blows 5K in 10 minutes and in a fit of rage pulls my pants down and crams 3 quarters up my ass |
| Ska: | What happened last night? |
| Y2JMark79: | He pulls on my arm and stares me in the eyes for 10 minutes as I squirm in pain |
| Y2JMark79: | He realizes nothing's going to happen, so he says "You always were worthless", coldcocks me, and takes my wallet |
| Ska: | Well? |
| SonnyChiba: | Butch, explain |
| Ska: | *PART* Left room. |
| EasyEW: | Anybody wanna tell Ska what happened last night? |
| Y2JMark79: | See, he says well |
| Y2JMark79: | And then he LEAVES |
| EasyEW: | When he comes back, I mean... |
| Action_Abe__Bomb_Squ: | *JOIN* Entered room. |
| Ska: | So |
| Ska: | What happened last night? I went to bed kinda early |
| EasyEW: | If you had grabbed the transcript before you reset the room, mebbe ya'd know. :P |
| Ska: | Well screw you |
| Y2JMark79: | It was race bashing chat night |
| Y2JMark79: | Me & Tanvir made fun of Keenon for being a zebra |
| Y2JMark79: | He mocked us for being minorities |
| SonnyChiba: | I think everyone got at least 3 or 4 good shots on Keenon |
| SonnyChiba: | His shot on Tan was vicious |
| SonnyChiba: | Chemical Compound names~~~~ |
| Y2JMark79: | Come on, that half the golf course thing was pretty good |
| SonnyChiba: | true |
| SonnyChiba: | but even Tan laughed it was so mean |
| SonnyChiba: | exchange between me and Keenon |
| SonnyChiba: | "Quiet, Oreo." |
| SonnyChiba: | "I'll stab you, whitey." |
| SonnyChiba: | so is that chat gone, then? |
| Ska: | *PART* Left room. |
| EasyEW: | Apparently so. |
| Y2JMark79: | Bah |
| EasyEW: | When a room is reset, the logs connected with that room go away |
| SonnyChiba: | :( |
| SonnyChiba: | That hcat could have become APA legend, man. |
| Y2JMark79: | So what you're saying is: ALL SKA'S FAULT |
| NPPYinzer: | So one day, Bill Brasky takes this huge shit. And when he wiped his ass, the stains on the toilet paper spelled out the log of last night's chat. |
| SonnyChiba: | We'll lynch him later |
| EasyEW: | TO BILL BRASKY |
| NPPYinzer: | *PART* Left room. |
| NPPYinzer: | *JOIN* Entered room. |
| Y2JMark79: | One day Brasky makes a donation to the local sperm bank |
| Y2JMark79: | The genesis is sort of hazy but near as we can figure |
| Y2JMark79: | Brasky's sample CLIMBS OUT THE TUBE and into the other samples |
| Y2JMark79: | Eats them and assumes their form |
| EasyEW: | heh |
| Y2JMark79: | After that, everyone who went to that bank had a Brasky child |
| Angloman13: | *JOIN* Entered room. |
| Y2JMark79: | Even the doctors, who apparently got followed home and impregnated while they were sleeping |
| Y2JMark79: | But THIS is the kicker |
| Angloman13: | *PART* Left room. |
| Y2JMark79: | Even...THE MEN. |
| EasyEW: | Brasky's jockstrap glows with the intensity of a thousand suns. |
| Y2JMark79: | Brasky took a homeless man off the street once |
| Y2JMark79: | Fed him dinner, got him shaved and a fine new suit, lets him sleep over |
| Y2JMark79: | 5 am the next day, Brasky pokes the homeless guy with the barrel of his gun and says, "You get a ten minute head start. RUN." |
| EasyEW: | TO BILL BRASKY |
| SonnyChiba: | I hear Brasky's The King Of Danger |
| NPPYinzer: | TO BILL BRASKY |
| NPPYinzer: | Brasky played the lead in his college production of Hamlet. |
| NPPYinzer: | He skull fucked Yorick, and it asked for seconds. |
| Y2JMark79: | Bill Brasky's favorite movie is A Fistfull Of Dollars |
| Y2JMark79: | Bill Brasky's SECOND favorite movie? The Princess Diaries |
| SonnyChiba: | Did I ever tell you about when he visited Africa? |
| NPPYinzer: | About twenty-five years ago, Bill Brasky cut a fart in front of John Williams. John Williams recorded it, and used it as the main theme of Superman |
| SonnyChiba: | It turns out that due to his efforts, Africa is now completely AIDS free. |
| Y2JMark79: | Ah, Brasky |
| Y2JMark79: | You know, Bill Brasky knows the pain of unrequited love |
| Y2JMark79: | But only because guns don't have feelings |
| SonnyChiba: | He did it by stabbing all the aids victims and tossing them into nearby ravines |
| SonnyChiba: | Problem solved. |
| Y2JMark79: | lmao |
| Y2JMark79: | The mighty fist of Bill Brasky has numerous nicknames |
| Y2JMark79: | But to the poor bastards on the Titanic, they will always call it Iceberg |
| EasyEW: | Well, I guess I'm done for the night |
| Y2JMark79: | Aw, man |
| Y2JMark79: | I got Brasky stories for hours |
| EasyEW: | TA BRAH BLARLAKSUSKY |
| NPPYinzer: | TO BILL BRSSSSKKKKKKZZZ...... |
| EasyEW: | Take 'em easy |
| NPPYinzer: | zzzz.... |
| EasyEW: | *PART* Left room. |
| Y2JMark79: | PUSSY |
| Y2JMark79: | As I was saying |
| SonnyChiba: | TO BILL BRASKY |
| Y2JMark79: | The #1 reason for divorce is a lack of communication |
| Y2JMark79: | The #2 reason? |
| Yeah__I_m_a_BITCH___: | *JOIN* Entered room. |
| Y2JMark79: | BRASKY |
| Yeah__I_m_a_BITCH___: | *PART* Left room. |
| NPPYinzer: | Bill Brasky was Bruce Lee's stunt double. |
| NPPYinzer: | The real reason Bruce Lee died? He pissed Brasky off |
| Y2JMark79: | Bill Brasky was bitten by a large cobra at the zoo |
| Y2JMark79: | After three days of feverish sweats, the shakes, and diarrhea, the snake had a final seizure and died |
| SonnyChiba: | Brasky wnet to Vietnam |
| SonnyChiba: | Vietnam still ahs flashbacks of him |
| SonnyChiba: | has* |
| NPPYinzer: | You know the game Grand Theft Auto III? That's biographical. |
| NPPYinzer: | They cut out all the really hardcore stuff Brasky's done |
| Y2JMark79: | Years ago, Brasky had a one-night stand |
| Y2JMark79: | The woman BEGGED him to stay but Brasky sticks to his guns, throws bus fare at her, and throws her down the block to the stop |
| Y2JMark79: | Two days later, Melissa Etheridge announced she was gay |
| SonnyChiba: | hahaha |
| SonnyChiba: | Brasky was a roadie once |
| SonnyChiba: | But the group broke up fighting over him |
| SonnyChiba: | That Group? |
| SonnyChiba: | The Beatles |
| NPPYinzer: | Shit, I got nothing. |
| Y2JMark79: | OOH |
| NPPYinzer: | I'm out of Brasky stories. |
| Y2JMark79: | One time |
| Y2JMark79: | Brasky gets BLITZED |
| Y2JMark79: | Kisses a man |
| Y2JMark79: | In fact, kisses him so hard, the testosterone flies out of the victim's body and he becomes a she |
| Y2JMark79: | And that she? |
| Y2JMark79: | You guessed it: Heidi Klum |
| SonnyChiba: | Brasky was bored once but all he had was a bunch of cinder blocks |
| SonnyChiba: | so he built something |
| SonnyChiba: | Most people know it as Stonehenge |
| SonnyChiba: | He calls it the Fuck Park |
| NPPYinzer: | I heard that for $50, a prostitute once gave Brosky a handjob for four hours. She said it's the best money she's ever spent. |
| SonnyChiba: | hahaha |
| Y2JMark79: | In the coldest winter in American history, Brasky made Davy Crockett QUEEN of the wild frontier |
| SonnyChiba: | hahahaha |
| SonnyChiba: | One more before I go to bed |
| SonnyChiba: | Brasky was tutoring this one kid once |
| SonnyChiba: | But he gets frustrated |
| SonnyChiba: | and bops the kid one |
| SonnyChiba: | he hits him so hard it makes him a genius |
| SonnyChiba: | the next thing you know, Einstein is writing out the theory of relativity like it's nothing |
| SonnyChiba: | *PART* Left room. |
| Y2JMark79: | Max, you turning in? |
| NPPYinzer: | Yeah, I gotta get some sleep. |
| Y2JMark79: | One more story |
| NPPYinzer: | I've got half a ton of gravel in my garage, and a big hole to fill in. |
| NPPYinzer: | Let's hear it |
| Y2JMark79: | There's a saloon in Arizona, about 1860 |
| Y2JMark79: | Crowded, popular |
| Y2JMark79: | One day a man comes in and says, "BRASKY'S COMING! GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE!" |
| NPPYinzer: | Damn |
| Y2JMark79: | So everyone gets the shit out except the petrified bartender |
| Y2JMark79: | He remembers his boss saying if you hear that, take the cash out the register and run for the hills |
| Y2JMark79: | He does it, but he trips and the money goes everywhere |
| Y2JMark79: | And as he's picking it up, he sees a silouhette of a guy riding two bears at once |
| Y2JMark79: | The guy kicks the doors open, they shatter on impact (wood) |
| Y2JMark79: | He says, "Get me whiskey and stir it with a dynamite stick!" |
| Y2JMark79: | Bartender does it |
| Y2JMark79: | Then he says, "Another one! NO WHISKEY!" |
| Y2JMark79: | Bartender does it, and says, "T-t-t-t-t-third one?" |
| Y2JMark79: | And he hears: "Hell no! I gotta run, Brasky's coming to town!" |
| NPPYinzer: | <-- applauds |
| Y2JMark79: | I'm thinking of using some of these for my toast |
| NPPYinzer: | Do it. |
| NPPYinzer: | Of course, now that you said that, I'm stealing that idea for the next wedding I'm in. |
| Y2JMark79: | *shrug* |
| Y2JMark79: | You're two time zones away |
| Y2JMark79: | By Brasky law I can only rip off your arm and beat you with it |
| NPPYinzer: | Sounds fair. |
| Y2JMark79: | see ya |
| NPPYinzer: | That's what Brasky would do |
| NPPYinzer: | Later. |
| NPPYinzer: | *PART* Left room. |
| Y2JMark79: | *PART* Left room. |
| Y2JMark79: | *LOG at 6/4/2003 12:48:04 AM* OFF [Last participant has left the room] |