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Some Good Advice
Created: 9/7/06
Revised: 8/31/08
Thread
aPa (formerly Thread AA) was established in 2000 from a subset
of nWWWo forum users. The original goal was a place to talk about
pro wrestling, sports, and drinking. The order of that list has
changed over the years, and a few items have been added, but it's only
fair to let you know about the mentality you're dealing with.
Anybody coming into our community cold needs a few pointers, so this
list is long overdue. By trying to point you to this page, you
can't say we didn't warn you. First, we will deal with the few
things you
won't be able to control.
The normal chat usually begins sometime in the 8pm ET (0000 UTC) hour,
but never right on the dot. There's usually at least one
moderator to open the room. If you are a wrestling fan (or Lost or 24, but not anything on MyNetwork),
be advised that a lot of our users are based in the North American
Eastern and Central timezones, so they might cough up spoilers.
If that forces you to leave, we'll be here when you get back.
First time visitors are subject to a server-enforced waiting period
before anything they type in shows up in the chat window or on the
message boards. This isn't something we do to be spiteful,
this is set in the forum's control panel. We've had too many
drive-by jackasses to
allow any other policy. If
we don't know you yet, we can't cut any deals. Because of a recent flare-up the current
waiting period is 10 days;
this is not up for
debate.
If you intend
to lurk, declare your intention to a moderator.
This isn't a rule set in stone, but because of an annoying quirk in the
Delphi chat software, we can never be sure if a silent person is still
actually there or fell out hours ago. Also, some people have a
bad
habit of opening a chat window and never coming back to it.
That's why if somebody lingers too long without responding, we
have a tendency to "muck out the gutters" and boot the non-responders.
We always warn you, though.
The log is always on.
This is simply to cover our asses if anything goes weird and to
preserve any entertaining moments. If you enter this room, it's
with the understanding that you're being recorded, and that anything
you say might be tacked to a page like this. The chances of that
happening are very slim, but the odds are still better than hitting the
jackpot in Powerball.
And now, A LITTLE FRICKIN' DECORUM IS
CALLED FOR...
The
golden rule: DON'T BE AN IDIOT.
It's not really hard, folks. This is a small but persistent community
made up of people who have known each other (in the Internet sense) for
quite some time. If you really want to acclimate, the best way is
to observe, then adjust your approach accordingly. The rest of
the guidelines are expansions on The Golden Rule that we'd think would
be obvious, but obviously aren't. The rest of this list will be
vaguely belligerent, but we mean well. Enjoy.
The welcome message says "Don't expect to feel
welcome here" for a reason. The Thread aPa room has been
in play for years, and the one thing we all agree on is a hatred
for people who pop into random chats just for the "thrill" of having a
roomful of strangers say "hi" back to them. There are plenty of
places that do that; that's not us.
We curse, goddammit. If
this offends your whisper-soft sensibilities, that's so sad.
This isn't a flirt chat.
Anybody who tries to start a conversation with "A/S/L" will never be
happy here. The guy who usually tells you otherwise
is setting you up for a elaborately sick joke. For that matter...
Anybody who stumbles into a random
room asking for advice on (medical conditions/self-esteem/whatever)
will get exactly the level of non-help they deserve.
There's a reason that (for instance) the hepatitis support forums all
say hepatitis in bold type
right on the title bar. If you take the time to actually look, we're
very upfront about what we're about. Read the forum front
page. Read the forum. Hell, read the chat logs that we link
to at the top of this very page.
The message should be very
clear: we're not in the business of making you feel better, we're in
the business of laughing at fools and snickerdoodles, and business is
booming.
If you see one or more people spouting
what looks like gibberish, the
correct response is to ask what channel everybody's watching.
If things look a bit random, it probably means we're all watching a TV
show. Responding with non sequiturs will get you booted.
Speaking of gibberish, NO AIM
SPEAK, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! This cannot be stressed
strongly enough. You can be the most brilliant brain
surgeon/violinist/fry cook alive, but if you're in the habit of saying
"oic" when you mean "Oh, I see," you're in for rough sledding.
We're the type of jerks who don't see the point of "LOL" when a good
throaty "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" is so much more evocative. This
should be an easy one.
It's not like you're being charged a penny a letter.
Strangers who disrupt the ongoing vibe
will be abused and/or banned, usually both. Just because
you paid for DelphiPlus doesn't mean we
owe you anything, and the Delphi TOS gives us a certain amount latitude
in policing ourselves as long as we don't break some type of law.
Most strains of net-drama will be discouraged
with a vengeance and the users who insist on being ridiculous will be
locked out like the dogs that
they are. Hurts, don't it? Tell your friends.
A special one for election season: don't talk in "talking points."
We're more than happy to do point/counterpoint jousting with
those who hold opposing viewpoints (as long as they're not insane), but
if we ask you to back up your arguement up with facts and you can only
come back with "anyone with eyes can see it"...well, obviously that's
not true or we wouldn't be asking you to make us see it. And if your response to that
is "keep drinking your Kool Aid," you obviously studied political
science through a series of bumper stickers. Don't waste our time
if you can't defend yourself. (Be advised we actually do say "keep
drinking your Kool Aid," but that's not the only thing we say, and we usually mean it ironically anyway. If
you think irony is something you use on your shirtsony, you are doomed,
doomed, doomed. We're gonna sing the Doom Song for you now...)
Don't
try so hard to fit in. This is not only important advice
for us, but for any Internet-based community worth belonging to. The
worst way to fit in is to try and impress us with how well you would fit in. An example would be coming in on a Monday
night and saying something dreadfully clever, like "You know
wrestling's fake, don't you?" Yes, we KNOW; so's Next, but you don't hear about us
crashing the MTV chatrooms over it. Not recently, anyway.
We expect you to be who you are, unless "who you are" is desperate for
attention.
On a similar note, don't be scared.
All that other stuff might seem overly harsh and bitter, but the fact
that you not only found this page but read it to the end probably means
you have the will to survive, and therefore you time digging through
all this mess will not be wasted. Honestly, the casual Delphi
users these pointers were intended for will never read them, even if
they're forced. The conditions that prevail force us to "teach to the
test". We blame the No Child Left Behind Act.
And that's pretty much it. If you can get past all that,
we're really fun people once we get warmed up.
Oh, I guess there is one more
warning:
There will be Canadians.
They talk just like us and watch a lot of the same TV shows, but don't
let that fool you. At night, a few of us swear we can hear them
sharpening their ice skates for the inevitable invasion. It's
weird, man.