I believe that I’ve found the perfect job for me.

Japanese TV.

I saw a show on E! entitled World’s Wildest Shows. 40 minutes out of the 60 total minutes of show time was dedicated to Japanese television. They have fascinating shows, great interactive games, and off-the-wall shows.

One segment talked about transplanted Americans who have made a big name for themselves. One such man is an English teacher who has made waves as a panelist on a game show. Another is a man who has the job as a host of a show asking normal people on the street questions in English, and getting their WACKY responses.

I swear to Kai that one lady said she “ate her big ice friend and broke her stomach”. She meant to say that she had eaten too much ice cream and had a stomach ache.

One show that would go over so well here: drunken businessmen are asked questions, and then have to call their family or bosses to help them with the answer. Trust me, I could not make this stuff up. The drunk gentlemen usually stumble all over the place, and sometimes the action gets WAY out of hand. One guy accidentally tripped the host, and offered him a back rub for his troubles. The host went along with it, until the guy got “wandering hands”. No joke, the guy went for the nuts. That was the end of that.

One contest was an endurance test show, with musclemen navigating obstacles. Not just climbing walls and things of that nature, however. They had one contest with an amateur biker jumping his bike on poles two inches wide. They also featured a baseball accuracy test, with a college pitcher attempting to knock out nine squares in 13 attempts. And the most interesting test of all, the hand walker who had to hand walk down 3 flights of stairs and get to the finish line without tipping over. Fun stuff.

Contrary to popular belief, the Japanese don’t watch anime all the time. They watch reality shows, and a veritable ton of cooking shows. Japan is a food-oriented country. As such, there are many shows about cooking. And, of course, Japan is the origin of “Iron Chef”.

Interactive game shows are very popular, as well. Instead of boring crap-fests like “The Chair“, “The Chamber“, “The Jurybox“, and “The Gavel“, people stay interested in interactive game shows because they can win thousands of yen playing them.

And, of course, Japan is very into sports. They have their own baseball leagues and they consider professional wrestling a real sport. See, unlike the idiots who go see the WWF and say “What?” every three minutes, they respect the risks that wrestlers take. They are patient enough for a match to develop into it’s story, and they don’t chant for puppies whenever the action hits the mat..

This is one of the reasons that I need to pick up a new puro tape sometime.

Some days I wish I could just pick up and move to Japan. Sure, I’d suffer massive culture shock, but it would be the same if I moved someplace else.

And then I remember how much I love this country. No, this isn’t any “…OR THE TERRORISTS WIN” rhetoric. I grew up here, and I owe this country quite a bit. I grew up poor, and I didn’t starve, and I’m poor right now, and not starving.

But there’s a lot that irks me. Like how a company like Enron can flush people’s lives down the drain, and lie about it with a straight face, and think they can get away with it because they greased the right palms. Like how all that our representatives in the government care about is back fighting and getting more of their friends and people who think the same way they do elected.

Like how Brak Etling is letting the bet slip away from him. Sort of like his website.

And why can’t I find a job at a gaming store? I love Magic, and I’d like to find a job dealing with it. But whatever, I guess.

I should learn how to draw. Then I can go into comics and animation. Of course, I might be able to find a job in the industry without learning a whole new skill, but it couldn’t hurt.

Or I could become a professional poker player. I guess it’s a different type of card game, but you have to be able to contain your emotions in both games.

So what am I going to do for a job?

I don’t know. I’ll find something to tide me over. But I’m gonna keep looking until I find something that I love…

Just like Josh is taking a Hockey Jerseys 101 class at school.

Until next time… when I’ll have something much better written… I remain,

Nathan Loney
nathan_loney@threadapa.com

(Originally posted on ohemgee.com (and I'm pretty sure Nate hasn't left the country yet); reprinted by permission of the author.)