Just so I get this out of the
way and don’t wind up like Scott Keith (having mutants with AOL e-mail
addresses flaming him)… I have a deep, passionate hatred for Triple H.
This hatred has been brewing for two years. I honestly believe that
he’s where he is right now because he plays the politics game and
Vince’s daughter plays THE Game.And now he’s Raw’s World Champion. I fell asleep and missed the boat, evidently. HHH has done nothing good for this business in the past (in fact, he was so unsuccessful that they took the Unified World Title off of him and gave it to The Undertaker… not a good sign), he’s not doing anything good for the business right now, and I don’t think he’ll ever do anything good for the business in the future.
Let’s scroll back to SummerSlam. The show was stolen by HHH and Shawn Michaels in a street fight. Michaels put his body on the line for the show… HHH tapped a vein and bled. I guess that represents an example of when HHH wants to put somebody over.
Michaels wins the match (with a roll-up… huh?) and starts celebrating. He kisses Earl Hebner’s forehead… and then the New Age Goblin whacks Michaels with his sledgehammer, because he can’t stand to lose ANY heat. Not even for his best friend. How screwed up and sad is that?
Two weeks later, Eric Bischoff gives HHH the World Title. A few months ago, I was annoyed beyond belief that HHH was the focus of the show. Would he jump or not? I hoped he would… off a skyscraper. Now, two weeks removed from losing a match to a cripple, HHH was given the belt because he’s the best in the business, according to Bischoff.
Does anybody else find that bizarre?
His most recent title defense (at the time of this writing) was last week in Ames, against Spike F’N Dudley. Don’t let the mic’ed crowd fool you. I was there for the match, and everybody knew that Spike had no chance of beating HHH. When HHH clamped on the MAIN EVENT SLEEPERHOLD for the win, the crowd roared with apathy.
I guess since The Undertaker jumped (and how smart he was for that), Raw needs a new Master of Submissions. Sadly, the Cerebral Ass decided to step in and fill that vacancy.
Let’s talk about mic work. Most of the Raw roster can cut a good promo. HHH is not one of those people. To paraphrase James E. Cornette, he makes NyQuil drowsy. He drones on and on about nothing and puts crowds to sleep almost as fast as his boring matches do.
When HHH and Buh Buh Dudley cut promos on each other and Buh Buh is more exciting and interesting than the supposed best in the business, there’s a real problem here.
Maybe the most damning complaint I have about HHH is that he never puts anybody over cleanly. Never.
Mick Foley wrote in Have a Nice Day about the difference between Tiger Jeet Singh and Terry Funk. He explained that Funk got over in Japan because he gave everything he had, and Singh got over by taking more and more and more.
Which one reminds you of the new Orange Goblin?
HHH takes and takes and takes and takes and takes and never gives anything back to his co-workers. He takes fist over fist, and never passes anything on to other superstars. He’s constantly buried more capable performers because he’s so scared that when people find out he’s not nearly as good as he thinks he is, he’ll lose his spot.
Chris Jericho on line one.
Why has Chris Jericho never beaten HHH before? Because Jericho can be so much more than HHH is, and he knows it. So HHH plays the “I’m bigger than him, so I have to squash him and make him look like a joke” card. The lead up to WrestleMania 18 was absolutely pathetic, and the match was even worse.
First, Stephanie gets involved… why? Jericho was doing fine before she stuck her comically overinflated balloons in the way. Second, HHH’s dog gets run over thanks to Jericho. Why? To make Jericho look careless? To really piss off HHH and give him motivation? What did this accomplish? Third, the match was a disgrace to WrestleMania main events, and it followed the exact same path that all of the HHH-Jericho matches followed, from the Last Man Standing match to the Hell in the Cell match on up. Jericho looks like crap, Jericho looks like crap, Jericho looks like crap, Jericho’s rally falls short, Pedigree, hit “The Game” (or “Mah Tahm”) as the Goblin raises his overinflated arms, and Good Ol’ JR does damage control to keep Jericho from losing all his heat. JR generally does that “Jericho’s a tough sumbitch!” spiel afterwards to try to make it look like Jericho actually accomplished something other than being totally dominated. Nobody ever buys it, though.
And after this coming Sunday, Rob Van Dam on line two.
There is no way… NO WAY that RVD will beat HHH on Sunday for the belt. But HHH will give RVD his version of “the rub”. He’ll dominate the match, make Van Dam look like a joke, give him a bit of offense, and then go low and hit the Pedigree for the win.
Number of times the knee will be used: 6.
Number of times Good Ol’ JR will refer to the Orange Goblin as the Cerebral Assassin: 4.
Van Dam is crazy over, and that scares HHH. He’s fresh and exciting and charismatic, three things that HHH is not. So, just like he did with Jericho, he’ll make him look worse and worse until the fans believe that Van Dam is a choker in big situations.
He’s not over, he’ll never be over, he’ll never draw money, and he’s hurting the business with his actions. But perhaps good news is on the horizon. I mean, after Nash ran the WWF into the ground, they got rid of his ass. Maybe they should remember that the next time HHH’s contract is up.
The thing that makes me sad is that there is an abundance of talent in WWE rings right now. D’Lo is in gulag on Heat for some damn reason; RVD and Jericho are playing second fiddle to the Goblin on Raw; there’s a virtual TON of talent on Smackdown, including the cruiserweights, Lesnar, Edge, Benoit, Guerrero, and the man that I would build this company around, Kurt Angle.
Before the Heat tapings last week, there were two dark matches featuring young wrestlers with a great amount of talent. The problem is that they don’t wrestle the WWE style, as mandated by the Orange Goblin 2K2. These young guys are exciting. One guy I had never heard of was crisp and precise with his moves, including a leg lariat that stunned me out of my seat.*
But these guys aren’t big enough and don’t use their knee enough and aren‘t banging the owner‘s daughter, so they’ll never be over… right? Well, maybe if the WWE wants to start teaching fans to enjoy wrestling again, they should use people who can actually wrestle, people who know a wristlock from a wristwatch.
It’s time for the Orange Goblin to step aside and let somebody new try. Lord knows it couldn’t hurt this business any more than he already has.